One of my dearest friends who has been super supportive of me since dx sent me an email last week with a question: “[Church] is having a Craft-Expo where people are setting up tables to sell items or whatever to help the youth go on a missions trip. Call me crazy, but this morning on my way to work I was thinking about getting a booth and handing out information about juvie diabetes . . ” and asked if I would be interested in doing it with her. Would I?!? I would love to and it brought a huge lump in my throat and got me all glassy eyed that she would think of Ryan and the family and have a desire to do such a thing.
Well, being the somewhat creative person I am, the wheels immediately started turning. How were we going decorate, what would be an attention getter, would I make diabetic snacks to sell and attach recipes, would JDRF have information I could display and so on and so forth. But the girl in me said, “What do I wear?” I’ve looked around on cafepress.com or pumpwearinc.com and others and laughed and cried and wanted to buy them all. But I actually broke down and bought one to wear for the fair. It’s powder blue and simply says, “I wear gray for my son.” The gray is the color of the “cure diabetes” ribbon, like the one I have display here on the left sidebar of my blog. The shirt came in the mail yesterday. Opened it up to make sure it was the one I ordered, read it, confirmed it was exactly what I wanted . . . and cried. I couldn’t wait to get it, it was no surprise it was coming and will probably wear it before the fair. But there was something new and startling about the fact that it was MY shirt talking about MY son. Reality set in again and I was flooded with all those fears and heartache that I thought I’d moved past or moved along or learned to handle . . . not so much, I guess. I wonder if that ever really passes.
So, before I travel down that dark, emotional road again this morning, I will close with this . . . Ryan came home a few days ago and said, “I’m lucky to have diabetes.” And I calmly asked, “Why?” (And I say calmly because it was a very conscious, controlled effort; I wanted to scream and holler that there’s nothing lucky about this disease!) He replied with a grin and one dimple, “Because I get to have snacks at school every day when nobody else gets to.” I grabbed him, loved on him and kissed all over his face and said, “I’m lucky to have you!”