Embracing Life & the Child with the Disease

Quarterly Endo Appointment

Well, here we are . . . that three-month check up that all mom’s dread.  I’m not so sure that we dread it totally because of the a1c or the vulnerability of having someone “critique” your care of your child.  At least for me, it’s entering the halls of the facility that first gave us the confirmed diagnosis.  It’s the big red balloon on the side of a purple accented building that screams the reminder, “My son has an incurable disease.”  I get so sick at my stomach about the appointment two days before it even gets here. 

But yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised.  We walked in the office as my mind was fighting away memories of the hallway and Ryan started acting like he owned the place, smiling at people, saying hello, choosing where to sit in the waiting room . . . Then when the nurse called for us, he was telling her how to take his sugar and asking why she was doing what she was doing, almost like an inspection.  Then Dr. White came in with a student who was shadowing him.  Ryan got a little quiet and started reading one of his books.  Dr. White started talking to him directly.  “Tell me about what you are reading, Ryan.”  So Ryan obliged with a long description and Dr. White was intently listening.  Then he asked Ryan how he was doing with the shots and pokes.  “I’m doing good.  No big deal, really.”  And then Dr. White had an “ah-ha” moment where you could see it on his face.  He turned to his student and said, “I just now made the connection.  I remember Ryan in the hospital.  He was very calm.  Very grown up.  And he listened to every word I said to his parents.  Quite the grown up boy!”  He went on to talk about the books he had on his bed and how he’d whisper questions to me or Jason when he didn’t understand something.  Made me feel comfortable.  We all of the sudden weren’t strangers or an endocrinological number.  He made the connection; therefore, so did I. 

Then THE NUMBER:  7.9.  Not the great 6.8 of last time.  I knew it was up, we struggled a bit off and on all summer, but particularly this last month with vacation and starting school.  And he must have seen the look on my face.  “That’s a perfect number for right now.”  He explained that in the first 6 months, it’s relatively easy to get control if you have a good grasp on the care.  Then when we come up on 9 months (there in two weeks), the “honeymooning” begins to come to an end and figuring everything out gets complicated (as if it isn’t always complicated, but I appreciate the sentiment).  He said for the next two visits or so, shoot for low 8s and if it’s a high 7, that’s just bonus.  He said he was “proud” of the 7.9 and that we were doing great.  He made one insulin recommendation then he said to just stay the course.  He just doesn’t want Ryan to have lows, particularly in school.  Additionally, he said we were ready for the pump (class is October 21), growing just fine and that the Celiac numbers last month were nothing to be concerned with right now that he was growing and gaining weight too well to even re-test. 

And the best part for this momma . . . I didn’t cry.  This is the first time I’ve done anything related to D since December that I didn’t cry.  Instead, I was comforted and at peace.  I know that doesn’t make sense.  I know some of you d-moms think this d-momma has lost it.  But I was proud of myself, very proud of Ryan, and if this is going to be our life, I need to embrace it, be comforted and encouraged going to the endo and laugh and make Ryan feel special in the process.  If I am depressed every time I go and cry, what is that telling Ryan? 

God is good.  Gives us what we need when we need it . . . usually not a second before.  Yesterday, I drove away thinking it’s okay that he has diabetes.  I don’t like it; nope, not one bit.  It’s not my plan, not even close.  But for some reason, it’s HIS plan.  And since it is HIS plan, I want to focus now on trusting HIM as much as I did my endo today . . . trusting that since this is HIS plan for Ryan’s life, my life and our family’s life, that God IS going to take care of Ryan and use him to do great things through, despite and/or because of the disease.


Comments on: "Quarterly Endo Appointment" (10)

  1. What a great post! You have a great attitude. Tristan’s A1C last time was also not good. It was the highest that we ever had it. But we have also been struggling with his numbers. His CDE is also struggling to find a pattern and make the right adjustments.

    You win some…. you lose some! I’m glad that you Endo made you feel better about his A1C. I like my endo most of the time but when it comes to his A1C or T’s lack of weight gain (yes he’s done all the tests… everything is normal) he has a way of making me feel like c*ap on the floor. 😦

    Keep up the great work! 🙂

  2. Teresa L. Murphy said:

    Amy, let me just say that God is already doing great things through Ryan’s (and your family’s) adventure with diabetes! Your posts are a blessing to me every time I read them–which is ALWAYS more than once! If I am blessed in this way, I can’t imagine how your experiences and writings touch and encourage those who must face it 24/7.

  3. HI FIVE!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! So proud of you 🙂

    Keep up the good work!


  4. Sounds like it went perfectly. I hear too often of endos being critical of their patients no matter how hard they try. Dr. White sounds marvelous! Great job all around!

  5. That is wonderful! You are doing great! And you have a good attitude. That right there is a HUGE blessing! I know I still dread those appointments too. We just had ours last week and I was so nervous. Sounds like you have a wonderful doctor too and that always helps!

  6. An appointment without crying? You go Momma! You have taken D by the horns and done a phenomenal job! So happy you have a kind endo. They are priceless!

  7. I came across your blog in the last couple of weeks as I’ve been searching the internet for information. My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 just two months ago. I really appreciate your way of writing and can relate to your feelings. I have only read your most recent blog entries, but it has been an encouragement to me. We are also a Christian family and I am encouraged that you desire to bring God the glory through this. I’m having a hard time with that still. Your latest entry about the Endo visit gives me hope. We have only had one follow up visit with the Endo and it was so difficult for me. I also started a blog and find it very therapeutic to write out how I am feeling. I look forward to reading more of your entries!

    • Nicole, I want to connect with you. I’d love to know where you are and more about your family. Get to know you. I have found a wonderful circle of d-mom friends on facebook and a few on twitter that give me encouragement and support. There is no comfort in the world like a mom that “gets it.” I read all of your blog posts just now and ache with your feelings, remember them so well . . . the grieving process . . . I’m still there some days but we are just further down the road. It does get better, easier. It’s just a different way of life, not worse, just very different. But Ryan is happy, healthy and determined to do all he did before dx and he can, just has to work a little harder than “the average bear” (stole that from Toby Peterson of the Dallas Stars who spoke at our JDRF kick-off dinner; he’s a T1er). Let’s connect though, seriously!

  8. I am proud of you and Ryan, both (and the rest of the family, as well.) I know this has not been an easy journey for you but I know you’ve all grown through it. I know that you wouldn’t have “chosen” this path for your life, but for some reason God has allowed it. Sometimes we just need to “rest” in who He is and how much He loves us and the fact that He’s always with us (whatever we’re going through. Psalm 125:1 “As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people now and forevermore”. I love this scripture. It reminds me that He is taking care of our whole family and that wherever we turn, He is there. Love you, Mom L

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