Embracing Life & the Child with the Disease

UGH!

I have struggled to post all day. 

I have nothing positive to say about D today.  For over a week straight (and off and on for over a month now), we can’t get Ryan’s sugar down, no matter what we do.  We have changed ratios, upped Lantus, altered diet, eaten more consistent in a schedule, and it’s either between 200-300 or we are treating a low.  WHERE ARE HIS IN RANGE NUMBERS???

Not to mention we have an endo appointment in two weeks and if we keep at this rate, I won’t even share how awful it’s going to be.  UGH!!!

But Jason has been home all day today.  We have heard the boys laugh a lot.  We packed three boxes tonight for Operation Christmas Child.  Aaron told me he loved me FIRST today.  Ryan showed us some new dance moves.  And Ethan has made me feel old while listening to his mp3 player and singing while totally oblivious to my watching him.  I guess there is life beyond D although on days like today, it’s just so hard not to be overwhelmed by it.

Ryan isn't as sad as he looks; he is actually laughing.

Currently, I am watching Ryan lie on the floor on his belly, pants pulled down just a bit exposing his bottom, Jason on one side with Lantus and Ethan on the other with Humalog (as I was typing, his bedtime number was 306, so he has to have sliding scale before bed).  They are all three dying laughing.  I have no earthly idea why.  For the life of me, I can’t see the humor in it all tonight.  But I am blessed to have boys who do. 

I’ll “bounce” in the next day or so . . . just right now, it’s hard to keep in perspective that it’s just the “dark before the morning.”  But I’m working on it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfWAG-bnttQ

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Comments on: "UGH!" (5)

  1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE that song….beautiful!!!

    We all have those high times….you just can’t figure out what the heck to do. I call it The Storm….but it will pass. Usually happens over here during a growth spurt. It always seems to happen right before an endo visit…CRAZY!

  2. Ugh, stretches like this are so frustrating, I so feel your pain! I love that the boys are able to still laugh during times like this, shows just how tight your family is.

  3. The great thing about all this… is that Ryan is sitting smack in the middle of our Father’s hand!! We don’t understand why He is allowing D to take it’s toll on Ryan’s body, but take comfort that it is NOT a surprise to Him. He has it under control….. HIS control. Love you friend…. keep your chin up 🙂 Kris

  4. You have a right to feel this way, and you will bounce back when you need to. I love you and am so proud of the mother you are! Ryan is a very fortunate young man.

  5. Hang in there…I sometimes find myself in that same place. Feeling overwhelmed, hating EVERYTHING about “d”…and mostly feeling out of control. Trying to keep blood sugars in range is frustrating as hell when we are not getting our way sistah!

    Love to you and you’ll bounce back soon…if it takes a few days, no worries…I’ll be right here reading and commenting trying to express understanding, acceptance, and perhaps some comic relief.

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