How often do you have days, as a mom, where you feel like life is just crazy. There are too many chores to do, too many places to be, too many homework assignments and not enough time, sleep or energy to get it all done. And sometimes, in the midst of the worst, we meanly snap at a request, we forget about an assembly or we burn the birthday cake . . . and we feel awful, frustrated and inadequate. And I am blessed to be able to do what I want to do and stay home full-time and be a wife and mom. I cannot fathom the life of moms who work outside the home, and I applaud you for all you do. But I don’t know of a single mom alive that does not every now and then feel . . . not good enough.
And when you throw being a full-time pancreas in the mix . . . well, you know . . . feeling like a failure happens more often than we’d like to admit. You know, that numbers game. The meal where you miscounted the carbs, took the blood sugar but forgot to bolus (UGH!), misjudged the basal increase, or better yet, absent-mindedly programmed in the wrong number on the basal in the pump by doing a 10% decrease instead of an increase (double UGH!) or when the temp basal for activity went a rye. You know, those moments when you work so hard, make the adjustments, watch the diet and still those inexplicable numbers show up on that meter and all you can do is go to the bathroom, close the door and have a good cry. This pancreating business is just hard!
But every now and then, seems when we need it most, those moments happen that let you know you’re doing a good job . . . better than you even thought. And you so NEEDED to hear it, see it, feel it. Those moments that make you cry because it’s that quiet reassurance we need to know we aren’t ruining the lives of littles that we have been given.
Jason bought me a glass photo frame of the boys that had the most beautiful mom poem on it and a picture of the boys at Easter. His facebook status read, “My wife, Amy, is the best mom in the world! All you other husbands, eat your hearts out.” There IS a comfort and peace in knowing your spouse thinks you are doing a good job, isn’t there!?!
Mother’s Day is a great day to be reminded of the fact that we ARE SPECIAL. The sad part is that we so seldom let ourselves feel it. And I wanted to share with you the most precious gifts I received today . . . the child-picked-out cards and the homemade card ones.
My oldest, My Joy, My 11-year-old Ethan picked this card out to go with the picture frame. Now you must remember, this is the one that I blogged about a few weeks back where we are butting heads and hitting those terrible tweens! You know, that stage of bad attitudes, not listening and sometimes not even acknowledging your own existence. But this is the card HE chose:
My mom likes to . . . have fun (I think I’m wrestling with them in the pic)
My mom’s favorite flower . . . rose
My mom has taught me . . . to have manners (we have been working on speaking when people speak to us, so the stick figures say “Hello” and “Good Morning.”)
My mom’s favorite . . . shopping (there me shopping with card, like at Kohl’s or Marshall’s)
My mom’s favorite food . . . steamed crabs
I love my mom because . . . she loves me.
My mom’s favorite memory . . . there’s a pic of me lying flat on a bed adn a baby in a circle (when he was born)
Things I do with my mom . . . there’s him and me saying, “I’m going to get you!”
It should read “How many CARBS” not cards. But who cares. We all know what he meant, right? My mom helps me with diabetes.
With all my miscalculations, all my frustrations, all the things I don’t understand about his body that I haven’t yet figured out . . . it doesn’t matter, because he not only acknowledges my efforts, but interprets it as help.
And the day was good.
I tell you all this not to brag (okay, maybe a little . . . we all should a little, right?).
I want you to be encouraged mommas . . . D-MOMMAs.
What we do matters. What we do is noticed. We are doing a good job.
Don’t let those evil voices creep in and say,
“You aren’t good enough.”
“You aren’t doing enough.”
“You aren’t strong enough.”
Or maybe those voices creep in and tell try to convince you of something you are NOT.
A bad mother.
A dysfunctional pancreas.
A failure . . . These WE ARE NOT!
If we put our heart into our mothering. If we work like the dickens to balance being a child and dragging a disease along for the ride, we have succeeded. If we are counting carbs, making pump adjustments, monitoring blood sugars and giving daily hugs and kisses and lovin’. We are better than good enough. We rock. And our wonderful kiddos are proof of it!
Happy, Happy Mother’s Day, my sweet momma friends, d or not! I love you sooo much. Now, let’s go and love and appreciate who WE are, what we have done, and what we are going to do and be PROUD of who we are, who we have become . . . And keep on keeping on.