Embracing Life & the Child with the Disease

I’m a d-momma , a fairly green one. We’ve only been on this journey about 16 months and almost five pumping with the OmniPod. So I love my d-moms, all of them. The veterans. The piers. And the newbies. They all have their place and purpose in my life. We are same-same. I heart you.

But as of recent, I am beginning to really learn from and love T1 adults in the DOC and those that are appearing and re-apprearing in my life. They are “same-different” in my book. .  They live, successfully, what I really fear the most . . . the unknown . . . the what-life-will-be-like for Ryan as an adult living with this high maintenance disease. In truth, I do not “know” many of them in the DOC. We do not really talk, mainly just the occasional tweet. Part of that is because I think, what good would I be for them?  They’re the pros.  And I often think of myself as inadequate with them.  My questions, in my mind, would all seem so juvenile in a sense.  Now mind you, NONE of them have made me feel this way.  It’s just in my mind. 

But I cyber-stalk them in a sense.  I read their blogs and seldom EVER comment.  But I learn.  I make mental notes.  It’s like sitting under a mentor and just absorbing like a sponge.  My heart aches for them in the difficult times, but where I stand with that emotion still boggles my mind.  When I hurt for them because I see and feel the difficulty of the disease, it’s not like the empathy I feel for my d-moms.  It’s almost parental.  Like I imagine Ryan there, as an adult, experiencing that struggle, discouragement, hurt, anger, weariness and I want to shoot out parental encouragement and love to them.  But I don’t want to appear condescending.  When in all actuality, I look up to them.  So I do nothing . . . but care. 

There are a few, however, that have impacted my life although I am sure they are not aware.  I am nearly obsessed with reading and learning from T1 adult MEN because that is what Ryan will be.  And often long to connect with them on a richer level just to learn from their life.  I so admire them.  But, again, I’m just a momma of a 6-year-old.  These men have a life, often a wife and sometimes children.  I don’t want to interrupt (or in all honestly and vulnerability, be rejected, because it would hurt my feelings that I wear on my sleeve – LOL, kinda).  But here’s a few nuggets I’ve gotten from T1 bloggers along the way.

Michael of The Diabetics Corner Booth commented and then re-tweeted about reading my blog post when I talked of having coffee with a fellow d-mom and the difference coffee with someone who “got it” makes.  It was encouraging to me to see that a T1er was just reading my thoughts, my life. I loved that he was drinking his own Starbucks as he commented.  Sometimes it’s just that ever so simple connection.  Raising my white chocolate mocha with extra whip cream to you, Michael.  Cheers!

Tony of Blogging Diabetes really gave me a catch phrase that I have referred to so many times when my hope gets discouraged or squelched by negativity.  I was just reading in on a rather heated debate (not bold enough to be a participant) on Twitter about believing a cure is in our future or living in a cynical state that there will NEVER be one.  Tony tweeted, “Hope for a cure. Live like there will never be one.” It hit me like a brick wall.  That’s the ticket!  That’s how I choose to live.  In the positive light of HOPE but teaching Ryan and caring for Ryan as if there will never be one so he is equipped with the knowledge and the tools to live a long and healthy life and do it in such a natural and routine manner that it is not grievous or energy-zapping (as much as you can living with D).  Thank you, Tony, for just sharing that perspective. 

And in recent days, Allison of Lemonade Life gave me some peace in questions that have been swirling around in my head about the high maintenance intense control approach to Ryan’s d-care.  I want so desperately to get back to a place where Ryan isn’t checked two times a night, or even once sometimes (totalling about 10 times a day).  But I felt like a bad mom even thinking such a thought.  I was so encouraged by her life experience in this matter that answered some questions and gave me a lot to ponder as a d-mom, again VERY green, and try to work toward a place that is somewhere in-between.  You are someone I look up to, Allison, because that wasn’t an ever so pleasant conversation but you hung in there, stood your ground in an ever so personal debate.  I know it wasn’t a fierce battle, but you took it all in stride, like a champ and I learned from it!

And these are just three, but I read more and more have impacted my thinking and perspective. 

I applaud you, T1ers, who put your life, your experience out there.  You are so vulnerable, sometimes completely naked in your writings, ranting, etc.  And I appreciate that.  You are making a difference. 

Now if I could just get over my inhabitions and just connect with you, it would be d-perfect!

So I guess I would classify myself in relation to them as a silent support-caring cyber-stalker until I can feel comfortable in my own skin around them.


Comments on: "Same-Different, Do I Fit In?" (7)

  1. Ok. This is going to be a confessional. One I didn’t think was going to happen…. I’m not a crier. That’s just not something that happens all too often when reading D-Blogs, even if they are incredibly spot-on and touch my heart (which is basically ALL OF THEM!). But you got me, Amy. I’m at my desk (ironically drinking coffee…) and the tears came to my eyes when reading what you wrote. And you know something? It was in the first two grafs before I even got to the point to discover that YOU’D MENTIONED ME!!!! Woa. Your writing about lurking and making mental notes and just absorbing from “mentors” is so incredibly my mode of operation. And feeling inadequate among the “pros?” All the time. Because you and they are doing things I can’t even imagine and have the kind of courage, insight, power, and perspective as parents and “movers and shakers in the DOC” that I just don’t measure up to. I’m just a guy who rambles online. But like you say, it’s all in my mind and not actually reinforced by anyone. All I know, is that this community is wonderful because of people like you. No, actually, because of them AND because of YOU specifically. Every one has a voice and shares themselves online to some degree, and adds a perspective that can’t be replaced. Thank you for doing that, and for just being you.I applaud that.

  2. MMM~ White Chocolate Mocha is my coffee too 🙂

    I am a PWD cyber stalker myself. I have been trying to comment(and tweet) here and there, but I feel kinda silly cuz I am so out of their worthiness.

    CrAzY, I know!!

  3. I loved this. 3 great bloggers. Ironically I found the DOC through twitter so the first people I met were PWD! I only knew a few dmoms.

    They welcomed me with open arms and have been the most amazing support system. Reach out. They will take you in. Trust me!!

  4. “But I cyber-stalk them in a sense. I read their blogs and seldom EVER comment. But I learn. I make mental notes. It’s like sitting under a mentor and just absorbing like a sponge.”

    Me too!!!!

    When I was writing my post for today, talking about how much I appreciate the adult T1 bloggers, I called myself a “stalker.” Then I decided against it and reworded the idea. I didn’t want to creep out anyone! But, like you, I read and lurk daily, comment occasionally, and gain SO much always.

  5. I belong to the stalker club myself. 🙂 But sometimes I just HAVE to comment! More times than not it is on Michaels blog. His comment tells you exactly why!

  6. I stalk too…well…actually I have a hard time “stalking” b/c I have “diarrhea” of my fingers and I always seem to comment on everything I read…I cannot help it. It is a flaw.

    Anyway…me too…same-same…I love the PWDs b/c they are an invaluable resource to us D’Rents. Wonderful post good friend! xoxo

  7. this is a lovely post! lurkers rock, btw!

    don’t be afraid to reach out. yes, those boys have busy lives, but i KNOW that they’d be happy to chat with you.

    this bond we all have is insanely strong. so glad to have found you! 🙂

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