I’m a d-momma , a fairly green one. We’ve only been on this journey about 16 months and almost five pumping with the OmniPod. So I love my d-moms, all of them. The veterans. The piers. And the newbies. They all have their place and purpose in my life. We are same-same. I heart you.
But as of recent, I am beginning to really learn from and love T1 adults in the DOC and those that are appearing and re-apprearing in my life. They are “same-different” in my book. . They live, successfully, what I really fear the most . . . the unknown . . . the what-life-will-be-like for Ryan as an adult living with this high maintenance disease. In truth, I do not “know” many of them in the DOC. We do not really talk, mainly just the occasional tweet. Part of that is because I think, what good would I be for them? They’re the pros. And I often think of myself as inadequate with them. My questions, in my mind, would all seem so juvenile in a sense. Now mind you, NONE of them have made me feel this way. It’s just in my mind.
But I cyber-stalk them in a sense. I read their blogs and seldom EVER comment. But I learn. I make mental notes. It’s like sitting under a mentor and just absorbing like a sponge. My heart aches for them in the difficult times, but where I stand with that emotion still boggles my mind. When I hurt for them because I see and feel the difficulty of the disease, it’s not like the empathy I feel for my d-moms. It’s almost parental. Like I imagine Ryan there, as an adult, experiencing that struggle, discouragement, hurt, anger, weariness and I want to shoot out parental encouragement and love to them. But I don’t want to appear condescending. When in all actuality, I look up to them. So I do nothing . . . but care.
There are a few, however, that have impacted my life although I am sure they are not aware. I am nearly obsessed with reading and learning from T1 adult MEN because that is what Ryan will be. And often long to connect with them on a richer level just to learn from their life. I so admire them. But, again, I’m just a momma of a 6-year-old. These men have a life, often a wife and sometimes children. I don’t want to interrupt (or in all honestly and vulnerability, be rejected, because it would hurt my feelings that I wear on my sleeve – LOL, kinda). But here’s a few nuggets I’ve gotten from T1 bloggers along the way.
Michael of The Diabetics Corner Booth commented and then re-tweeted about reading my blog post when I talked of having coffee with a fellow d-mom and the difference coffee with someone who “got it” makes. It was encouraging to me to see that a T1er was just reading my thoughts, my life. I loved that he was drinking his own Starbucks as he commented. Sometimes it’s just that ever so simple connection. Raising my white chocolate mocha with extra whip cream to you, Michael. Cheers!
Tony of Blogging Diabetes really gave me a catch phrase that I have referred to so many times when my hope gets discouraged or squelched by negativity. I was just reading in on a rather heated debate (not bold enough to be a participant) on Twitter about believing a cure is in our future or living in a cynical state that there will NEVER be one. Tony tweeted, “Hope for a cure. Live like there will never be one.” It hit me like a brick wall. That’s the ticket! That’s how I choose to live. In the positive light of HOPE but teaching Ryan and caring for Ryan as if there will never be one so he is equipped with the knowledge and the tools to live a long and healthy life and do it in such a natural and routine manner that it is not grievous or energy-zapping (as much as you can living with D). Thank you, Tony, for just sharing that perspective.
And in recent days, Allison of Lemonade Life gave me some peace in questions that have been swirling around in my head about the high maintenance intense control approach to Ryan’s d-care. I want so desperately to get back to a place where Ryan isn’t checked two times a night, or even once sometimes (totalling about 10 times a day). But I felt like a bad mom even thinking such a thought. I was so encouraged by her life experience in this matter that answered some questions and gave me a lot to ponder as a d-mom, again VERY green, and try to work toward a place that is somewhere in-between. You are someone I look up to, Allison, because that wasn’t an ever so pleasant conversation but you hung in there, stood your ground in an ever so personal debate. I know it wasn’t a fierce battle, but you took it all in stride, like a champ and I learned from it!
And these are just three, but I read more and more have impacted my thinking and perspective.
I applaud you, T1ers, who put your life, your experience out there. You are so vulnerable, sometimes completely naked in your writings, ranting, etc. And I appreciate that. You are making a difference.
Now if I could just get over my inhabitions and just connect with you, it would be d-perfect!
So I guess I would classify myself in relation to them as a silent support-caring cyber-stalker until I can feel comfortable in my own skin around them.